A brief introduction.

[Malackai]

Greetings. I am a sinister evil-doer bent on packing every pastry in the known world with succotash and toenail clippings. No, seriously......just toothpaste and powdered detergent soap. WELL....now that that's out of the way, we can move on to more pressing matters....whatever those might be.
I will be issuing instructions to all who visit this site on a regular basis, and I demand that they be followed to the letter and without delay. I strongly urge you to write them down, copy them in triplicate, and commit them to memory. To all who see fit to abide by my instructions, please be assured that you will be rewarded handsomely. You will have unrestricted access to the limited number of pastries, doughnuts, fritters, crullers and munchkins (the doughnut hole treats....NOT midgets....cannibalism is generally frowned upon except for times of extreme crisis, or in lieu of Alpo) which remain. Cake, pie, assorted sweet breads, fudge and fruitcake will also be made available to those who dutifully commit themselves to adhering to my edicts.
Really, all this power leaves me indecisive most of the time....no, wait....maybe it doesn't...no one's sure. Especially me. I trust all who read this shall await my command.

Have a swell day, and remember that good hygiene is good practice, and body hair is the curse of the damned.